The Embalming

 ...but it feels like yesterday.

Yesterday,

when before I put you in your bassinet

of ice, so colored gold;

for the beauty that you were,

I dressed you as if

you were

my child.

You, my breathtaking sight,

my work of art, my angel from Heaven...

You,

who I gave all my tender love.

I wove these sunflowers

into your hair,

a beautiful garden, a precious sight...

indeed.

You,

my dear baby,

who I sang all my lullabies for,

of love, of slumber,

a marvel of a world

much bigger than this little world

where

the monsters under your bed

murdered you...

silently.

 It is cold in here,

this chamber 

of stained-glass stories

and snow through

the burning sun...

You,

my warmth, my comfort,

my beacon...

You,

my heart, your heart,

both broken,

mingle

 like the tears that fall

from my swollen eyes,

onto those of yours

which I must close

with blood red thread,

just like that

you wore on your wrist for luck.

Dear heart;

be still my dear, beating heart!

You,

whose heart was the kindest,

the gentlest, the strongest heart

I've ever known.

From the lips

that kissed me goodnight,

which although did not speak much,

must now be sealed completely... shut.

Shh, my love...

I promise not to hurt you.

You won't

feel

a thing...

Five years.

Today.

©LJ

Written on 21 and 23 June 2014;

to be posted on 25 June 2014.

I Don't Remember

I don't remember

when feelings ceased to exist.

I don't remember 

my emotions.

I don't remember

ever falling to my knees,

weakened by oppression.

I don't remember

my feelings fading,

head first,

peeling away like a sticker

from a destroyed coloring book.

I don't remember

when I isolated myself,

alone,

left feeling unloved.

I don't remember

being pushed away,

do this, do that,

"don't do this to me",

all because I felt

an overwhelming amount

of emotions

I never knew I mustered.

I don't remember

the nightmare

of so long ago

when I wore the mask of death.

I don't remember

the worry I caused,

nor the anger that raged in their veins.

I don't remember 

feeling a single thing.

I don't remember

feeling.

I don't remember

fighting.

I don't remember

thinking.

I don't remember...

at all.

But they got here somehow;

I just don't remember.

©LJ

21 June 2014

Exhale

Inhale chemicals.

Exhale.

Dizziness enters.

Exit.

Temperature rises.

Fall.

The kind,

cruel.

The beautiful,

ugly.

 The blessed,

cursed.

Life, for

death.

Best, for

worst.

Innocent, for

guilty.

Light fades

brightly.

The day's 

dark.

The loud

quiets.

 

Inhales the 

chemicals.

Poisons the

mind.

Weakens the

body.

Release the captured

soul

from its miserable

bliss.

©LJ

16 June 2014

8 June 2014

I sit on my bed,

and stare out my window.

Watching everything pass me

as if time was late.

I let tears fall from swollen eyes,

down my cheeks, and in my lap.

Screaming silently,

as if I lost my voice.

I scream inside my head,

and feel nothing more of it.

I sit on my bed,

and stare out my window.

Wondering what could have been,

as if  to the rest of the world, I am a ghost.

No one sees me,

and I can not see myself...

and feel nothing more of it.

I sit on my bed,

and stare out my window.

Seeing clouds gather,

and it begins to storm.

Wanting something there,

as if I was alone.

But I am. I am alone.

And I feel nothing more of it.

©LJ

8 June 2014

A Cloud

Sometimes I feel like a cloud.
But then it rains, and I fall.
I hit the ground, and am absorbed by the soil.
Thus, giving my life for others to live.
Then I am happy.
So happy, that I rise to Heaven

and become a cloud.

But sometimes...
I feel like a storm.
In a rage that shatters my surroundings.
With beautiful, nightmarish lights

and drumming, proclaiming
my fearful abilities over all.

And after it ceases,

then I am happy.

So happy, that I clear the skies

and wait

until the moment comes,

when I can feel like a cloud.

Weightless, carefree, and once more,

graced by the sun's warmest rays.

©LJ

6 June 2014