I Often Wonder

I often wonder what I did wrong.
Was it not that I cared for you enough?
Was it something I could not control?
Was it my innocent nature and desire for kindness,
even if I understand this cruel world like the palm of my hand?
Was I a shadow that lingered behind you?
Was I just a figment that was never realized nor understood?

I often wonder, because I feel so meek
in the hands of My Creator.
When I come to,
I often wonder what fate lies in store for me.
Does everything disappear when I am to leave
the cold, familiar, yet unfamiliar grasp of this world?
Maybe one day,
I won't have to often wonder what I did wrong,
but I can wonder how I can do better...
for you, for my world,
for myself.

I often wonder, because I feel so nervous
in the embrace of my angel.
I often wonder what my angel would say to me.
Does everything breathe when I am to enter
the cool, yet warm grasp of Heaven's air?
Maybe one day,
I won't have to wonder what I will hear,
but I can wonder what I will say to Christ...
for you, my world,
for myself.

I often wonder what is right to do.
Is it right to care enough?
Is it right to control what I can not?
Is it right to have my innocence, and my desire for kindness,
even if it's true that I know this cruel world like the palm of my hand?
Is it right to be a shadow that lingers behind,
or to be a shadow that becomes your friend?
Was it right to be a figment of your imagination,
or was it right to be the shadow that loved you so?
Was it right for me to be realized and understood?

I think...
I think I don't have to wonder often 

as much as I think I do,
because the answer is right in front of me.

-LJ

6 October 2014