"defeat"

I went

 from spending too much time 

worried about the future,

to becoming 

a hysterical wreck

thinking about the past.

I went 

from caring about 

every single thing I did,

to really

not caring at all.

I went from asking "How"

to asking "why"

"because" I was "afraid"

to show "defeat".

Turns out

I had been "strong",

or, at least, looking the part,

so "long",

that honestly,

not even I could "realize"

how "weak" I actually "was".

And I don't think, 

not for a second,

that you realize it,

until you're failing everything,

and you're on the verge

of jumping off the precipice

into the gloomy black hole

called "defeat".

-LJ

04 December 2015