The Ghost Light In The Theatre Wing

the ghost light in the theatre wing

told me you were there.

and not only that,

but the smell of sugar cookies

preceded you.

and the moonlight

after the performance

smiled down upon me.

i felt your love upon

my cherry cheeks 

and with your help,

i touched the stars.

the ghost light in the theatre wing

watched over me.

and it protected me

and made sure i knew

that you were there.

and not only that,

i saw you sitting with me,

next to me,

as if

while i was waiting,

i could sit in your lap

or hold your hand. 

the ghost light in the theatre wing

holds me close.

it engulfs me

and intoxicates me,

as if it was curtain call.

as we stand on the precipice

of what could be

the cosmic black hole

meant to be,

i felt you closer than ever.

you applauded me

and looked into my eyes

saying, "bravo."

you are my ghost light in the theatre wing,

and i love you, more than you could love me.

but the ghost light in the theatre wing

must symbolize your absence...

that's why you are here with me.

that's why the ghost light is on in the theatre wing.

-LJ

14 November, 15 November, 29 December 2014

The Wind Whispers

I feel disturbed,
heartbroken,
disappointed.
I quiver,
I shiver,
I shudder...
when I see
the world
from the stained-glass windows
of sycamore trees;
when it's dark
and I can't reach the sky,
because the windows are too high,
and the wind whispers eerily to me.
It haunts me,
taunts me,
binds me,
blinds me...
when I hear
the wind playing tricks,
whispering,
slithering
in my ear,
"Come to me."
and I was listening.
...why did I heed.?

-LJ
5 November 2014

I Had A Dream

I had a dream last night.
I saw your face, angelic and graceful,
just as I have seen it in still-shots for so long now;
and so withered as these still-shots be,
the beauty I see.
Your gaze traps me.
Your presence engulfs my spirit.
Your hands held my head ever so gently.
And out of the dust and clouds,
your wings formed and wrapped around us,
so we could keep warm in each other's sound embrace.
The wind around us sings to us,
so we may dance the world over.
Did you feel it...? 
The grace of your soul,
the beauty you so wear like a crown?
Did you feel our hearts beat together
as we became one?
But I was being pulled...
pulled far away...
and our time was up.....
What dream ends
when eternal rest was given?
....ours.
....for the best.
.....I will see you again....
you promised me.

-LJ
6 October 2014

You Are Loved

"Are you loved?"

"Yes."

"How do you know you are loved?"

"I don't know."

"You just know that you're loved?"

"Yes."

"...are you crying?"

"...no."  ("...yes.")

"You are loved." 

♥

-LJ

20 November 2014

Nothing Can Describe

Nothing can describe
the soreness in my muscles,
the cracking of my bones,
the breaking of my heart,
and the tears of my eyes

Nothing can protect me.
Nothing can save me.
Nothing can heal me.
Nothing can cleanse me.

Nothing can describe
the weakness in my soul,
the screaming of the voices,
the shattering of glass,
the whispers of despair.

Nothing.

-LJ
21 November 2014

I Often Wonder

I often wonder what I did wrong.
Was it not that I cared for you enough?
Was it something I could not control?
Was it my innocent nature and desire for kindness,
even if I understand this cruel world like the palm of my hand?
Was I a shadow that lingered behind you?
Was I just a figment that was never realized nor understood?

I often wonder, because I feel so meek
in the hands of My Creator.
When I come to,
I often wonder what fate lies in store for me.
Does everything disappear when I am to leave
the cold, familiar, yet unfamiliar grasp of this world?
Maybe one day,
I won't have to often wonder what I did wrong,
but I can wonder how I can do better...
for you, for my world,
for myself.

I often wonder, because I feel so nervous
in the embrace of my angel.
I often wonder what my angel would say to me.
Does everything breathe when I am to enter
the cool, yet warm grasp of Heaven's air?
Maybe one day,
I won't have to wonder what I will hear,
but I can wonder what I will say to Christ...
for you, my world,
for myself.

I often wonder what is right to do.
Is it right to care enough?
Is it right to control what I can not?
Is it right to have my innocence, and my desire for kindness,
even if it's true that I know this cruel world like the palm of my hand?
Is it right to be a shadow that lingers behind,
or to be a shadow that becomes your friend?
Was it right to be a figment of your imagination,
or was it right to be the shadow that loved you so?
Was it right for me to be realized and understood?

I think...
I think I don't have to wonder often 

as much as I think I do,
because the answer is right in front of me.

-LJ

6 October 2014

Your Voice In My Head

To Michael: 

Your voice in my head is a beautiful thing. 

 I hear you laugh, I hear you sing; 

 it calms the storms of anger's might,

 and lulls me sound asleep at night.

 Your voice in my head is wisdom to me. 

It makes me think, sets my mind free; 

 It beautifies the best in life, 

and releases love without a strife. 

Your voice in my head is a comfort of love. 

 It's a blessed and spiritual gift from above;

 It stops the flood of tears I cry,

 and lifts my happiness to the sky. 

Your voice in my head is childlike at most,

 a mystical door to open, not close; 

it lets my imagination free, 

where the place in my heart beckons me. 

 Your voice inside my head.... 

makes me smile. 

 Every single 

'once in a while';

 So, thank you for a love so pure,

 I love your voice and that's for sure. 

11 August 2013

 -LJ

Lost In A Rage

I am lost in a rage;
The earth turns dark.
The world stands still.
Lightning cracks, and
rain petrifies all movement.
In my footsteps,
earthquakes awaken
those unaware
of my anger,
and startle the living
from the sky above,
to world below;
to Mother Earth,
and Father Time.
In rage,
I drew strength
from energy
far too powerful
and,
in my possession,
disdained.
Was I the beast that unlocked the fear
of this frightened world I came to love?
...then the skies opened wide.

 ©LJ

6 October 2014

Storyteller's Second Story

Storyteller, would you please tell another story?

 I am tired, and can not sleep, without a tale's glory. 

All right, little one, he says. 

I'll tell you more. 

From where I left off last time, 

will remembering what's been said be a chore? 

With a giggle in air, 

I catch it, like a bubble. 

I giggle, and with that, a bubble's double. 

 He catches my bubble, 

and holds it close.

 He lets it go into thin air. 

 Then it pops. 

Do you hear it? he asks, with a smile. 

My laugh, I answer. 

I haven't heard it in a while. 

It slowly creeps, filling the room, 

fading away the then-present gloom. 

He smiles, and sits beside me. 

Okay, he says, tell me, what do you see? 

I tell him, the words "I", "You", and "We". 

Funny, he says, I wrote long ago, 

the three little words that continue to grow. 

Words can grow? 

Of course they can! he says, and flies in the air,

 I'll try to explain it, if you dare. 

 Okay. I say. Dare. 

 He claps his hands in sheer delight. 

 You'll fall asleep with this story tonight! 

He begins to explain, as happy can be, Who is this? 

he points to a picture of me.

 Me. 

 I to you, little one, he revises.

 The higher his happiness, he slowly rises 

 into the air to collect a frame off the wall. 

Who is this? he then asks, which is obvious to all. 

That's you. 

That's I to me, and you to you. 

 One more! he says, as he comes back down, 

with a picture of people, in a small little town. 

 Who are they? he asks. You don't know them, but still,

 they're there, aren't they? With love their hearts fill!!

 I totally see it, 

I think I've it now! 

Show them again, please, 

I have a vow!

 He shows the pictures like playing cards, 

and easily now, I know who they are. 

The first one is I, a picture of me. 

The second is You, and the last one is We. 

Yes! Yes! he says joyfully. 

And the hearth of their growth? 

I say... Unity! 

You learn awfully fast, he says with a grin. 

Next time, I won't let you so easily win. 

Think of them growing, their heart's filled with love, 

a love so eternal, a love from above. 

 Think of the tidal waves of so many smiles. 

Well, don't think that much if you won't sleep awhile. 

 My little listeners, continue to grow 

let me be there to show you, the way there's to go. 

I, You, and We play in our lives,

in our minds, in our each, every day. 

 So tell me, did that story fulfill your quest? 

Yes, I say, I am ready to rest. 

Thank you, Storyteller, for that wonderful tale, 

but next time, I'd love to fly with you, to fly and sail. 

He pops the bubble his giggle made. 

It lulls me to sleep, with my brain, it played.

 It brings me to this, as I continue to tell, 

 the stories of telling he knew so well. 

...To be continued.

 -LJ 

27 July 2013

I Walked A Place...

I walked a place, 

flowers all around, 

and stones carved 

with loving words. 

 A million hearts

 now one with the world. 

 Hair flies 

so harshly 

against my face. 

 I look inside,

 a flood of flowers

 all around,

 and loving words and creations.

 The flowers were 

your favorite 

and then some. 

My inner child comes through 

and I am stunned... 

stunned at how beautiful

 this seemingly depressing place was. 

And what used to be... 

was sleeping sound, 

and none dare harm 

that precious treasure. 

And what is now... 

is joyous, alive, and new, 

and ever-present 

in all of us. 

I give you these flowers, 

because I know you love them. 

What grace floods from our hearts. 

A sweet vanilla fills the air. 

 And I hear you, 

whisper lovingly, 

"Thank you.  

I love you more." 

©LJ 

16 August 2013

Happy Hour

P r o l o g u e   o f 

a

n i g h t m a r e 

d r e a m e d   o n e

m i s e r a b l e   n i g h t,

a n d   b e c a m e 

r e a l i t y,

a   h o r r o r  s t o r y
i n   t h e   m i n d

o f  t h e

s e n s i t i v e - h e a r t e d...

Slithering whispers
of unparalleled delight
call my name
with sad songs in its voice,
undressing my false emotions
and caressing me,
feverishly
in the dark.
It lingers in shadows
that you nor I
would ever think are there.
It surrounds me.
I try to escape,
but it pulls me in.
It possesses me,
and I can not see.
It hurts me,
but I feel
not a single thing.

...It 

frightens 

me.

Nobody's there,

says the voice again.

They're out to get you.

They're out to kill.

But it steals my screams.

T h e n 

 i t  

s t e a l s  

me.

I become startled,

but then...

it goes away.

The predator in its eyes

feeds anger in mine.

It takes advantage

of my heart,

and fiddles with the inner mechanisms

of my mind

and feeds off the draining energy

of my soul

that seems to be hanging by a thread.

It abuses me.

Never have I felt 

so used

so alone

so unloved

by the voice

that is there

in my head

when I'm down

and it's never there

when I need to cheer up.

Its walls of destruction

are its walls of protection

so no one can break them.
It sought for, it triggers,
it feeds on my pain.

It says, 

"They'll never believe you!"

It's there,

don't you see?

There is this voice

a n d

t h e n 

t h e r e 

i s

me.

But to this moment
no one believes
that fateful day
where the shadows,
and whispers,
and feelings of despair,
the loneliness,
the aching,
the suffocation I felt
because of its presence
manifested into something
bigger than itself.

It goes away,
but then it comes back.
It burns
into my veins,
and I can't seem
to be saved.

Then

you

help

me.

I am freed from its grasp

and you vanquish the  shadow

from under my bed

that's touching my skin,

and making my mind

live in fear of itself.

And I fear sometimes
that I will never escape
the grasp of its hold,
the strength of its might.
I fear sometimes
that I will never be free
from those hands without form
that grope in the night.

©LJ

17 August 2014

If Only I Could

If only words could explain,

if only I could just refrain

from this aching repitition

of this beautiful condition

that makes me hope and makes me wonder,

that makes it rain in all this thunder,

that makes me sing and makes me dance,

that makes me takes that risk and chance.

If only I could be someone,

if only I could just become 

this aching repitition

of this beautiful condition.

If only I could follow dreams,

if only I could tear the seams.

keeping me in constant pain,

in everlasting acid rain.

If only I could be the one

that could really ever run

from this aching repitition

of this beautiful condition.

If only.

©LJ

15 September 2014

Dream Come True

Blue crystals
fall like snow;
hymns and chants
to lure me home.
Pink skies
like blushing cheeks;
coos and affection
for my soul so meek.
Green grass
like blankets;
arms and chest
to curl up against.

I am tired.
I hurt in grief;
I miss you so.

In my anguish
and my sorrow;
I never let go.

Dream, come true.
You are
my dream come true;
that makes the sea 

and sky so blue,
that makes the green grass 

so much more
than what my heart 

is yearning for.
 

You!
You, my love!

While I drift
and think of you,
I long so for my
dream come true.

But you know
as well as I
we'll never pass
each other by.
Far away
from your embrace...
with your tears falling
from my face.

While the rain
brings morning dew,
I'll close my eyes
and yearn for you.
I'll wish on stars
that I can view,
so I hold hope my
dream comes true.

©LJ
31 August 2014

Humble Am I

Sweet melodies in the breeze, 

bells and sounds 

of mockingbirds, 

 is all that would you ever need to hear 

what has not been heard. 

 I am in a better place,

 I am happy and free, 

so now my soul is able 

to be with all of thee. 

Beautiful, all of you, 

and humble am I 

 those who makes the spirit 

in me fly. 

Gifted, all of you,

 and humble am I... 

 those who form these tears of 

joy I cry. 

Twisting and turning within 

Eternal Creation.. 

 Enjoying this 

spiritual manifestation, 

that comes alive in you and I 

and makes the time better, by. 

 Kindred, all of you, 

and humble am I, 

understood and realized. 

Unique, all of you, 

and humble am I, 

resurrected in the tears you cry. 

Beautiful, you say am I, 

and beautiful I say are you. 

Wonderful, you say am I, 

and wonderful I say are you. 

Humble am I, 

who has the foundation

 of so many... 

Humble am I, 

who is not alone, 

 even when there is no one around. 

 Yet, you still cry, 

but you don't 

need to now. 

 I am still with you, all of thee.

 I will comfort you,

 to you I bow.

Humble am I, 

to those who have 

such faith in me.

©LJ

7 August 2012 

 

Find This Place

Find a place, and settle there. 

Find this place, and start to care. 

This place will help you manage through, 

but still so very new to you. 

This place, crafted by magic hands 

is built upon the finest lands. 

The secret, though, strange it seems, 

this world is powered by your dreams. 

To dream, you have to settle down; 

find a place, and figure out 

what dreams that your world fore holds

 from newest thought to the mem'ry old. 

If you walk to the secret door, 

you'll find what you are looking for. 

Behind the secret door are things

 that bind your heart and spread their wings. 

The secret door minds much to all, 

but have yet their place to call. 

Open slowly, but not too slow;

 just gently, like the fall of snow. 

When it opens, you just walk in, 

an innocence that knows no sin. 

A feeling that you've never known;

a simple smile has come to shown

all you've ever fought for...

all of this, and even more. 

But most importantly, for me,

 is a friend I hope to see. 

He secures me from haunting harms 

and embraces me in loving arms. 

Hair of darkness, eyes of brown, 

wears his beauty like a crown. 

Brings the light out from my soul, 

mends it up, and makes it whole. 

To my heart, light comes back in 

and I am now myself again. 

Once a lonely, depressed freak, 

my own brought pain I only seek. 

Seeing other people love, 

I raced into your arms above. 

Now, these arms were meant to protect

 whose feelings of 'unlove' connect. 

A torn, black dress of death in night,

 turned now into a gown of white.

 He brought me to a lovely place, 

where the secret door was just a phase. 

My soul lingered, dragged on 

but he, I did not want be gone. 

All I ever did was plea, 

but little known he listened to me.

 His mission now to heal my soul, 

make these dreams and shatter whole. 

A bassinet of love and affection, 

a soft pillow of a spirit's connection, 

a blanket summoned by mourning doves,

 soft colors takes to clouds above.

 A soft whimper could be made, 

so the binding takes it's shade.

 My quest in rest, you've come to aid, 

and so the cradle starts to sway.

 Back and forth, an icy blue 

takes over sides of obvious clue. 

An eyeful of tears, a wink of an eye, 

a slaughtering sound, a restless cry. 

A smile of faith, no more goodbye, 

a mockingbird, your lullaby. 

Back and forth the cradle sways, 

and all my fears should go away. 

I do not dare another peep;

instead, a wish to fall asleep. 

Your song reached down to depths unknown,

 from outer body to the soul. 

I give in, and close my eyes, 

your final words to me, "Sleep tight." 

I reached a place and came to see, 

how you helped me find eternal peace. 

Now I know what I'm looking for, 

is not behind the secret door. 

Instead, so now, now I knew, 

that it is where my love for you 

can be seen and realized.. 

beyond the magic of tired eyes. 

©LJ

9 July 2012;

revised on 31 August, 2014

I Am

I am a dance 

 That flows in time 

To the eternal life of creation. 

I am a song 

That lives on the waves 

Of the air above. 

I am a painting 

That hangs in this world 

And gets admired,

 and sometimes ridiculed. 

I am a raindrop 

That meets the ground 

Before my story is told. 

 I am creativity

But so are you 

That lingers in this would 

And goes unnoticed.

 I am hope 

That gives you another chance 

To change the man in the mirror.

 I am justice 

That prevails in the end 

Shattered in the paint of truth. 

I am music 

That stands out 

 In a melody I call my own. 

 I am a tear 

 That falls down our cheeks 

Out of grief and joy. 

 I am a war 

 That needs to stop hurting

The ones I love 

Immediately. 

I am a band-aid, 

That keeps the world together

 And on it's feet. 

I am comfort

 That rocks you gently 

When you feel down and lonely.

 I am the stars 

That shine at night 

 Lighting your way. 

 I am the moon 

That proudly in the sky 

You are no longer scared of. 

I am magic 

But so are you

 That will heal the world And our children.

 I am love

 But so are you, 

and you, and you... 

And all of you 

  That cares for everyone and everything. 

 I am a human, 

That has a heart and feeling 

Just like everyone else.

©LJ

December 2011

Acid Rain

Days I feel ill

are the days I play

in acid rain;

burning,

vomiting,

aching.

Days I feel dead

are the days I play

in acid rain;

feeling

alive

again.

Days I feel depressed

are the days I play

in acid rain;

the thrill,

the risk,

the consequence.

In acid rain,

although jailed by

its hazardous drops

I felt this

strange, but happy

feeling that I

never felt in

just normal rain.

In normal rain

I felt dull,

like the grey

clouds they harbor.

But in acid

rain, I felt

this rush of

energy within me,

telling me that

it's totally okay

to be alive.

So, my friend,

these are the days;

the days I

play in acid rain. 

©LJ

22 August 2014 

The Toy Box

A long time ago,

in a home far away,

in a place in my mind

where my memories stay;

lived a world no one knows

to this very day,

and I have to deal much

to keep it that way.

It starts with a toy box,

so innocently built,

to hide any worry,

to hide any guilt.

In this little toy box

I hid all my pain

forbidden to ever

show it again.

There's masks and pictures

all broken and bled.

There's soaked little tissues

with tears I have shed.

There's a journal

that found its way out of my box;

it gave me the power

to write out the talks.

There's sharp, pointy claws

that scratched at my arms.

There's beautiful monsters

that caused me much harm.

There's memories I cram

inside of this box,
that I can't even fathom
if they're true or they're false.

Inside my box,

a childhood does lie;

waiting to breathe,

but waiting to die.

For a whole 'nother childhood

soon waits for rebirth,

one I can thank

for my presence on Earth.

I'm sick of hiding,

of pretending to be

something I'm not.

God, set me free!

Open my box,

and let me speak.

Let everything

soak up in the sea

of my memories

so very repressed

that today have made me

very depressed.

Like he,

the lost and found

of my heart

should have told me my childhood

was too torn apart

to be put back together,

although not so bad

of a childhood;

but inside, I felt rather... sad. 

But now it is out there,

in the dusk of the dawn.

Now it is free.
Now it is gone.

But as I said,

I've kept it away,

and I do quite a lot

to keep it that way.

But now it is free

from its cell in my mind,

and maybe I'll leave

the sadness behind.

A new life begins

so I can be free

of my burdens and horrors

that used to be me.

©LJ

25 August & 31 August, 2014

For Once

Dear friend,

For once,

it felt okay to be

different;

to be something I wasn't 

before:

a beautiful

butterfly.

For once,

it felt okay to be

pain-stricken;

to be something that could

hurt:

a living

being.

For once, 

it felt okay to be

wise;

to be something that helped 

others:

an old

soul.

For once,

it felt okay to be

sick;

to be something I couldn't

deny:

the weakest

one.

©LJ

20 August 2014

Convey Your Heart's Desire

I may be young,

but I am not afraid.

I will convey your heart's desire

while my own is staid.

Your beauty, magic,

and innocence are near.

I feel your soul call out to me;

I feel you call me here.

  

We will dance forever.
We will sing our songs.

We will live with children's hearts

and merry go along.

In this little world of ours

where we are not alone,

we'll frolic and play all through the day

before night takes you home.

For now, close your sleepy eyes

and rest your weary head.

Your dreams hold all my message be,

so no more should you dread.

I see your soul in my eyes.

I feel your warmth so close.

I hear your lullabies and thoughts.
I scent your vanilla rose.

I taste the salt in your tears.

I hold you in my arms.

Even if you be happy,

I shall keep you from all harm.

You are my child of wonder

who conveys my heart's desire.

You are my child of wonder,

who's poems I fuel the fire.

If I be thought as joy like Christmas,

you're my twinkling little star.

And no matter where you go,

I shan't be very far.

You are my innocent child,

that teaches very clear,

through your quiet snows and stained-glass poems

that I am always here.

©LJ

6 August 2014